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The past few days have been a whirlwind. Well, the past few months, actually. I have gone from wanting to go intoNursing to EMT to Paramedic to Psychology, now I think I've settled on Ministry, with a Psychology degree. My plans have literally changed daily and I'm really not sure what is happening next. I'm so excited to see what God  has in store for me, because I know it is bigger than anything I could dream myself, but I am unsure of where exactly to go from here. I know I will finish the EMT Basic program, because I believe in finishing what you start and I think it is an excellent opportunity to work in the medical field with only a semester of schooling. Plus I will be able to, even with just a Basic certificate, work on medical missions and even in the hospital.
I guess I am getting a bit anxious, excited for what is in store and wanting that now. I know that I should be patient and enjoy life right now as it is, because I will never get to live this moment again, but it is hard. I am also getting frustrated at myself that I am not 100% perfect in the EMT class. I was always the one growing up where if I could not do it perfectly to start with, I didn't do it. That is why I quit guitar, singing, volleyball, basketball...the list goes on. If I was not a natural, I didn't do it. Even when it came to riding my bike-I remember the first time I fell, I went inside. I was just done. If I couldn't do it, then I wasn't going to. I could not stand failure. I still have a hard time with it. Each mistake feels like a failure. It feels like I am a failure. Satan has a hayday with that and the words tumble around in my head till I feel like I can't breathe. This class has definately tested that. In a way, I'm glad that I feel as if God is calling me to something other than nursing. I know if that is the path He had for me, He'd get me through it, but this one semester of medical has been very, very challenging. I am glad I chose to do this, and I feel that this could be a good step for me, I'd love to see where this goes. I have been talking to some of the P1 students and the instructors about possibly getting a job in a hospital as a Tech with a Basic licence, which I am definately interested in. I also have talked with my boss about continuing exactly where I am in the Afterschool program in the fall, so I really don't know where God wants me now. I know He has the plan and can see the whole picture and I feel as if now I am just being told to wait. I don't like waiting :) I am one of those people who loves to get up and go and I dislike being quiet and still and I feel as though He is trying to teach me to be patient, to be still, and to wait on Him. I get an idea in my head and want to run with it and I'm trying to learn to stop and listen. I feel as though there are a million opportunities open to me and I just need to pick the right one(s). I have already decided that Kenya is out, at least for this summer. I had already started feeling that it wouldn't work out before I even met with Jane and after meeting with her and talking with my mom, it just confirmed everything. I'd honestly love nothing more than to travel the world and just go on missions everywhere, but I know right now, I need to work some more, build up some more income, and focus on school. It is hard for me to sit still! Right now my biggest thing is trying to be patient, be still, and listen to God's leading. I'm terrified I will not hear or I will make the wrong choice, but I know that God's plan will prevale, even if I do not always see. I'm trusting in Him.